I dont give a hoot about Dewsbury Dave, im more concerned about your sanity, it must be eating you up inside to have been bummed by their front row when you were a nipper but you need to get over it, my Jeremy Kyle ays he is more than willing to speak to you, reckons youre more than an ideal candidate for his show.
PS i wasnt saying you were under pressure as such, more that masterbation reduces pressure on the brain much like a labotomy does.