RLFANS.COM
Celebrating
22 years service to
the Rugby League
Community!
WWW.RLFANS.COM • View topic - Joke thread.
Mon Mar 30, 2009 9:35 pm  

User avatarpaved area wrote:
paved area User avatar
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:32 pm
Posts: 508
Location: On the patio, down the hill, with a beer in my fist and a huge street light shining on my screen !!
Yesterday, I saw 4 pall bearers at 11:00 carrying an orange coffin around the local graveyard.

When I passed at 14:30 I saw them again.

I'm

sure

that

they

had

lost

the

plot

!!

:oops:

:oops: :oops:
I'm out from under our Myrtle's feet again, Keeping the Black and Amber flag flying.

B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY. B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY

MINOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 4 YEARS RUNNING
( NOW we've got a complete set of Hub-caps)
""""" RLCN CHAMPIONS (Again) 2009 ** """""
"""" RLCN Beaten Finalists (Again) 2008""""
""" RLCN Beaten Finalists 2007 """
"" NL3 CHAMPIONS 2006 * ""
" NL3 Losing Finalists 2005 "
' NL3 Semi-Finalists 2004 '

"THE PRIZE CANNOT BE WON WITHOUT EFFORT"
(Non Sine Pulvere Palma)
Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:57 pm  

biffacat wrote:
biffacat Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 2:52 pm
Posts: 55
An elderly couple, Mary Lou and Dale moved to Arizona

Dale always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his Mary Lou, 'Notice anything different about me?' Mary Lou looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Dale stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Mary Lou a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Mary Lou looked up and exclaimed, 'Dale, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious,Dale yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, Mary Lou?' 'Nope', she replied. 'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Mary Lou replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Dale. Shoulda bought a hat.'
Re: Joke thread. Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:49 pm  

Pugwash wrote:
Pugwash Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2002 11:58 am
Posts: 190
Last week I checked into my hotel and I was a bit lonely. I thought, I'll call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Heather, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs..... well, you get the picture! I figured, what the heck, give her a call.

'Hello,' the woman says.......... God, she sounded sexy.

Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated I rushed right in. 'Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you.. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything! Now, how does that sound?'




She says, 'That sounds fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.'

I'll get me coat!

Pugwash.
Re: Joke thread. Sat Dec 12, 2009 3:06 pm  

girl power wrote:
girl power Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:34 am
Posts: 757
My mate fell into a vat full of oats and syrup and got in a panic, I said don't get in a flap jack :cry:
Re: Joke thread. Sun May 30, 2010 11:38 am  

noddy wrote:
noddy Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:43 pm
Posts: 122
Location: somewhere in oakworth
Two Irishmen are making letter bombs. Pat says " Do you think I've put enought explosives in this envelope?" "Dunno" says Mick, "Open it and see!". "But it will explode!", says Pat. Mick says "Don't be fecking stupid - it's not addressed to you!"
Re: Joke thread. Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:10 am  

spymaster wrote:
spymaster Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:44 pm
Posts: 372
Just got this from bloke at work so do not blame me. Warner brothers and libyan rebels have got together to produce another character to the looney tunes gang called Gadaffi Duck.
Re: Joke thread. Wed Sep 28, 2011 6:58 pm  

User avatarWhinger© wrote:
Whinger© User avatar
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 6:33 pm
Posts: 201
Location: Keighley

Mick Westerman
Put him on the pitch and parade him at half time.
Re: Joke thread. Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:47 am  

jbyck wrote:
jbyck Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Thu Jun 09, 2005 9:32 pm
Posts: 945
Location: Living and working in sunny York
Whats black with 2 broken arms?.



Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.
Second Division Champions 2005
3rd time lucky
Re: Joke thread. Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:46 am  

Pugwash wrote:
Pugwash Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2002 11:58 am
Posts: 190
A bloke goes to his local golf club and books a lesson with the pro. They go out to the first tee and the pro says right take your stance, feet shoulder width and relax your arms and address the ball. Just then a blonde naked as the day she was born runs across the fairway.

What's that says the bloke? Never mind says the pro, just take your stance again, feet shoulder width address the ball. Just then four blokes in white coats with a straight jacket run across the fairway. What's going on says the guy? Never mind says the pro, just get everything back like you had it and address the ball. Just then another guy in a white coat runs across the fairway carrying two buckets of sand.

Come off it says the learner, what's going on?

OK says the pro, the blonde is a nymphomaniac in the institution over the other side of the wall. Every week she escapes and those guys with the white coats and straight jacket are trying to catch her.

What about the guy in the white coat with the two buckets of sand says the learner?

Oh says the pro, he caught her last week and that's his handicap.

I'll get me coat.

Pugwash.
Re: Joke thread. Sat Jan 19, 2013 10:19 pm  

KRLFC wrote:
KRLFC Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:04 pm
Posts: 270
Tiger Woods in Ireland

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are dose?, asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger..
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin hael", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true. Or is it something worse?
PreviousNext

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests

Quick Reply



Subject:
Message:

   
Please note using apple style emoji's can result in posting failures.

Return to Keighley Cougars


When you register you get access to the live match scores, live match chat and you can post in the discussions on the forums.
YOU HAVE RL CHAT OFF
RLFANS Match Centre
Sun 19th Sep
SL RND: 25 Huddersfield42-24Leigh
CH RND: 22 Bradford22-36Whitehaven
CH RND: 22 Dewsbury21-14Oldham
CH RND: 22 Featherstone78-10Sheffield
CH RND: 22 Halifax10-12Batley
CH RND: 22 Swinton16-26Widnes
CH RND: 22 York30-22LondonB
L1 RND: 22 Doncaster31-10Hunslet
WSL RND: 16 St.HelensW52-0WiganW
WSL RND: 16 YorkW28-14CastlefordW
Sat 18th Sep
NRL RND: 27 Penrith8-6Parramatta
CH RND: 22 Newcastle12-82Toulouse
L1 RND: 22 Crusaders14-28Keighley
Fri 17th Sep
SL RND: 25 Leeds36-12Hull KR
SL RND: 25 Salford26-14St.Helens
SLRND: 25 Wakefield44-12Hull FC
SL RND: 25 Wigan12-8Catalans
NRL RND: 27 Manly42-6Sydney
Thu 16th Sep
SL RND: 25 Castleford24-40Warrington
Sun 12th Sep
SLRND: 24 Leigh26-18Wakefield
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 24 815 316 499 42
Penrith 24 640 280 360 42
Souths 24 775 453 322 40
Manly 24 744 492 252 32
Sydney 24 636 475 161 32
Parramatta 24 566 457 109 30
Newcastle 24 428 571 -143 24
Gold Coast 24 568 553 15 20
 
Cronulla 24 512 556 -44 20
Canberra 24 481 578 -97 20
St.George 24 474 616 -142 16
NZ Warriors 24 453 624 -171 16
Wests 24 500 714 -214 16
Brisbane 24 446 695 -249 14
NQL Cowboys 24 460 748 -288 14
Canterbury 24 340 710 -370 6
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 23 688 398 290 38 172.86 82.61
St.Helens 21 548 229 319 32 239.30 76.19
Warrington 21 588 354 234 31 166.10 73.81
Wigan 25 387 385 2 30 100.52 60
Leeds 24 556 440 116 26 126.36 54.17
Hull KR 20 497 458 39 20 108.52 50
 
Castleford 23 439 552 -113 22 79.53 47.83
Hull FC 21 409 476 -67 17 85.92 40.48
Huddersfield 24 460 516 -56 18 89.15 37.50
Wakefield 24 482 548 -66 18 87.96 37.50
Salford 22 402 586 -184 14 68.60 31.82
Leigh 22 356 870 -514 4 40.92 9.09
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 20
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 13 616 112 504 26 550 100
Featherstone 19 817 254 563 34 321.65 94.74
Halifax 19 512 323 189 26 158.51 68.42
Bradford 18 483 455 28 24 106.15 66.67
LondonB 18 504 499 5 21 101 63.89
Batley 19 525 370 155 24 141.89 63.16
 
Whitehaven 20 447 496 -49 21 90.12 52.50
York 19 470 455 15 16 103.30 42.11
Widnes 19 458 509 -51 15 89.98 39.47
Newcastle 18 381 521 -140 13 73.13 36.11
Sheffield 18 382 553 -171 13 69.08 36.11
Dewsbury 19 308 570 -262 13 54.04 34.21
Oldham 19 270 691 -421 5 39.07 13.16
Swinton 20 354 719 -365 3 49.24 7.50
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 22
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Barrow 17 596 275 321 27 216.73 79.41
Workington 15 471 310 161 21 151.94 70
Doncaster 18 503 400 103 24 125.75 66.67
Keighley 19 640 399 241 25 160.40 65.79
Crusaders 18 553 438 115 22 126.26 61.11
Hunslet 19 572 466 106 20 122.75 52.63
 
Rochdale 17 505 488 17 17 103.48 50
Coventry 17 407 460 -53 12 88.48 35.29
LondonS 18 292 577 -285 7 50.61 19.44
West Wales 18 208 896 -688 1 23.21 2.78
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
 
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
RLFANS Recent Posts




X
::::::::