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sexshop Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:10 am  

User avatarpaved area wrote:
paved area User avatar
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:32 pm
Posts: 508
Location: On the patio, down the hill, with a beer in my fist and a huge street light shining on my screen !!
Member for 16 years
A guy wearing a filthy old mac, goes into the sex shop and starts looking around furtively.

He approaches the counter and asks the assistant if he has "anything" white, about 12 inches long and about 3 inch girth ?


The assistant replies that he can probably find such a request in the back of the shop.


So the shopper tells him to go fetch it and light it as he has come to turn off the electric :wink:
I'm out from under our Myrtle's feet again, Keeping the Black and Amber flag flying.

B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY. B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY

MINOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 4 YEARS RUNNING
( NOW we've got a complete set of Hub-caps)
""""" RLCN CHAMPIONS (Again) 2009 ** """""
"""" RLCN Beaten Finalists (Again) 2008""""
""" RLCN Beaten Finalists 2007 """
"" NL3 CHAMPIONS 2006 * ""
" NL3 Losing Finalists 2005 "
' NL3 Semi-Finalists 2004 '

"THE PRIZE CANNOT BE WON WITHOUT EFFORT"
(Non Sine Pulvere Palma)
Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:42 am  

User avatarGreasley wrote:
Greasley User avatar
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 11:06 pm
Posts: 476
Location: Out for WALKIES with Bella!!
Member for 18 years
a policeman pulls up a blonde for speeding . policeman says 'can i see your licencse please ' blonde person replies 'you policemen need to get your act together , you took my licencse off me the other day now you want me to show it to you !'

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Frank always looked on the bright side of life, no matter how horrible circumstances, he would always reply ''it could have been worse '' and then explain why. One day his friends got so annoyed with his optimism they decided to say something that could not be any worse. So, one day Frank and his friends went to the golf course and one said ''hey Frank did you hear about Tom? he found his wife with another man last night and shot his wife and the other man !'' and as normal Frank replied ''could have been worse '' his friend said '' how the hell could that have been worse ??'' so Frank said ''if it would have been the night before i would have been shot ''

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Subject: The duck and the lawyer

A Big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Stanthorpe. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Australia. We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get on his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "O'kay, you old ****. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ee Ii Ee Ii Ee Ii Oo

On the beer, we will go

When we get all tipsy

This is what we sing

We are Keighley, We are Keighley

Barry is our King!!
Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:38 am  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Member for 17 years
A bloke comes home from the pub one night and says to his wife, "Our milkman was in the local, bragging that he's shagged every bird on this street except one".

After a short pause the wife answers, "It'll be that stuck up cow from number thirty".
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:24 pm  
Kirby The Beer Monster User avatar
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:08 pm
Posts: 186
Location: trying not to fall over
Member for 16 years
I request a motion to rename this thread the Greasley joke thread in hope that he stops sendin me the same jokes in text form an thus clogging up my inbox with unfunny sh*** jokes which i then recieve from my cousin who has also recieved these from Greasley.





Only jokin G-man
Wed Nov 26, 2008 7:37 am  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Member for 13 years
Newsflash!!!

Due to recent events Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand have been put on the Sachs offenders register :lol:
sachs Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:45 pm  

goosey wrote:
goosey Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:37 pm
Posts: 774
Member for 14 years
crackpot funny tho
Thu Dec 18, 2008 9:12 am  

User avatarSAD-808 wrote:
SAD-808 User avatar
Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2003 11:31 am
Posts: 97
Location: Keighley
Member for 19 years
Why does Santa have 3 gardens???































































So he can HO! HO! HO!
o/t thought for the day Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:52 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Member for 13 years
If a religious person who wears a turban who is looking for a piece of poo would they be a sikh a bab :lol:
Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:02 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
Member for 15 years
trumpets

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:36 pm  

biffacat wrote:
biffacat Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 2:52 pm
Posts: 55
Member for 15 years
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '

'I'm 96' said the old man.

'I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough

so I don't pi.. on my slippers. ' :lol:
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Sun 10th Oct
WSL RND: 19 St.HelensW28-0LeedsW
WSL RND: 19 FeatherstoneW22-24Hudds W
CH RND: 25 Toulouse34-12Featherstone
L1 RND: 25 Workington36-12Doncaster
Sat 9th Oct
SL RND: 28 Catalans10-12St.Helens
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 24 815 316 499 42
Penrith 24 640 280 360 42
Souths 24 775 453 322 40
Manly 24 744 492 252 32
Sydney 24 636 475 161 32
Parramatta 24 566 457 109 30
Newcastle 24 428 571 -143 24
Gold Coast 24 568 553 15 20
 
Cronulla 24 512 556 -44 20
Canberra 24 481 578 -97 20
St.George 24 474 616 -142 16
NZ Warriors 24 453 624 -171 16
Wests 24 500 714 -214 16
Brisbane 24 446 695 -249 14
NQL Cowboys 24 460 748 -288 14
Canterbury 24 340 710 -370 6
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 23 688 398 290 38 172.86 82.61
St.Helens 21 548 229 319 32 239.30 76.19
Warrington 21 588 354 234 31 166.10 73.81
Wigan 25 387 385 2 30 100.52 60
Leeds 24 556 440 116 26 126.36 54.17
Hull KR 20 497 458 39 20 108.52 50
 
Castleford 23 439 552 -113 22 79.53 47.83
Hull FC 21 409 476 -67 17 85.92 40.48
Huddersfield 24 460 516 -56 18 89.15 37.50
Wakefield 24 482 548 -66 18 87.96 37.50
Salford 22 402 586 -184 14 68.60 31.82
Leigh 22 356 870 -514 4 40.92 9.09
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 20
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 13 616 112 504 26 550 100
Featherstone 19 817 254 563 34 321.65 94.74
Halifax 19 512 323 189 26 158.51 68.42
Bradford 18 483 455 28 24 106.15 66.67
LondonB 18 504 499 5 21 101 63.89
Batley 19 525 370 155 24 141.89 63.16
 
Whitehaven 20 447 496 -49 21 90.12 52.50
York 19 470 455 15 16 103.30 42.11
Widnes 19 458 509 -51 15 89.98 39.47
Newcastle 18 381 521 -140 13 73.13 36.11
Sheffield 18 382 553 -171 13 69.08 36.11
Dewsbury 19 308 570 -262 13 54.04 34.21
Oldham 19 270 691 -421 5 39.07 13.16
Swinton 20 354 719 -365 3 49.24 7.50
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 22
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Barrow 17 596 275 321 27 216.73 79.41
Workington 15 471 310 161 21 151.94 70
Doncaster 18 503 400 103 24 125.75 66.67
Keighley 19 640 399 241 25 160.40 65.79
Crusaders 18 553 438 115 22 126.26 61.11
Hunslet 19 572 466 106 20 122.75 52.63
 
Rochdale 17 505 488 17 17 103.48 50
Coventry 17 407 460 -53 12 88.48 35.29
LondonS 18 292 577 -285 7 50.61 19.44
West Wales 18 208 896 -688 1 23.21 2.78
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
 
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
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