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sexshop Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:10 am  

User avatarpaved area wrote:
paved area User avatar
Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:32 pm
Posts: 508
Location: On the patio, down the hill, with a beer in my fist and a huge street light shining on my screen !!
A guy wearing a filthy old mac, goes into the sex shop and starts looking around furtively.

He approaches the counter and asks the assistant if he has "anything" white, about 12 inches long and about 3 inch girth ?


The assistant replies that he can probably find such a request in the back of the shop.


So the shopper tells him to go fetch it and light it as he has come to turn off the electric :wink:
I'm out from under our Myrtle's feet again, Keeping the Black and Amber flag flying.

B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY. B-R-A-M-L-E-Y BRAMMERLEY, BRAMMERLEY

MINOR LEAGUE CHAMPIONS 4 YEARS RUNNING
( NOW we've got a complete set of Hub-caps)
""""" RLCN CHAMPIONS (Again) 2009 ** """""
"""" RLCN Beaten Finalists (Again) 2008""""
""" RLCN Beaten Finalists 2007 """
"" NL3 CHAMPIONS 2006 * ""
" NL3 Losing Finalists 2005 "
' NL3 Semi-Finalists 2004 '

"THE PRIZE CANNOT BE WON WITHOUT EFFORT"
(Non Sine Pulvere Palma)
Sun Oct 26, 2008 10:42 am  

User avatarGreasley wrote:
Greasley User avatar
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 11:06 pm
Posts: 476
Location: Out for WALKIES with Bella!!
a policeman pulls up a blonde for speeding . policeman says 'can i see your licencse please ' blonde person replies 'you policemen need to get your act together , you took my licencse off me the other day now you want me to show it to you !'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Frank always looked on the bright side of life, no matter how horrible circumstances, he would always reply ''it could have been worse '' and then explain why. One day his friends got so annoyed with his optimism they decided to say something that could not be any worse. So, one day Frank and his friends went to the golf course and one said ''hey Frank did you hear about Tom? he found his wife with another man last night and shot his wife and the other man !'' and as normal Frank replied ''could have been worse '' his friend said '' how the hell could that have been worse ??'' so Frank said ''if it would have been the night before i would have been shot ''

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: The duck and the lawyer

A Big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Stanthorpe. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Australia. We settle small disagreements like this; with the "Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get on his feet.

Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "O'kay, you old ****. Now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ee Ii Ee Ii Ee Ii Oo

On the beer, we will go

When we get all tipsy

This is what we sing

We are Keighley, We are Keighley

Barry is our King!!
Mon Oct 27, 2008 12:38 am  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
A bloke comes home from the pub one night and says to his wife, "Our milkman was in the local, bragging that he's shagged every bird on this street except one".

After a short pause the wife answers, "It'll be that stuck up cow from number thirty".
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:24 pm  
Kirby The Beer Monster User avatar
Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2005 8:08 pm
Posts: 186
Location: trying not to fall over
I request a motion to rename this thread the Greasley joke thread in hope that he stops sendin me the same jokes in text form an thus clogging up my inbox with unfunny sh*** jokes which i then recieve from my cousin who has also recieved these from Greasley.





Only jokin G-man
Wed Nov 26, 2008 7:37 am  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Newsflash!!!

Due to recent events Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand have been put on the Sachs offenders register :lol:
sachs Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:45 pm  

goosey wrote:
goosey Cheeky half-back
Cheeky half-back

Joined: Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:37 pm
Posts: 774
crackpot funny tho
Thu Dec 18, 2008 9:12 am  

User avatarSAD-808 wrote:
SAD-808 User avatar
Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Wed Feb 26, 2003 11:31 am
Posts: 97
Location: Keighley
Why does Santa have 3 gardens???































































So he can HO! HO! HO!
o/t thought for the day Fri Jan 30, 2009 12:52 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
If a religious person who wears a turban who is looking for a piece of poo would they be a sikh a bab :lol:
Fri Jan 30, 2009 1:02 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
trumpets

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Mon Mar 30, 2009 5:36 pm  

biffacat wrote:
biffacat Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2006 2:52 pm
Posts: 55
An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra

'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'

'I can cut them for you' said Dan the pharmacist '
but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. '

'I'm 96' said the old man.

'I don't want an erection, I just want it sticking out far enough

so I don't pi.. on my slippers. ' :lol:
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NRL RND: 19 Souths60-22NZ Warriors
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L1 RND: 12 LondonS46-30West Wales
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Fri 23rd Jul
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This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 18
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 17 632 198 434 30
Penrith 17 493 179 314 30
Souths 17 503 346 157 28
Parramatta 17 474 255 219 26
Sydney 17 453 335 118 22
Manly 17 485 354 131 20
St.George 17 358 382 -24 16
Cronulla 17 326 394 -68 14
 
Canberra 17 347 421 -74 14
Newcastle 17 283 420 -137 14
Gold Coast 17 394 468 -74 12
Wests 17 372 502 -130 12
NQL Cowboys 17 324 527 -203 12
NZ Warriors 17 333 426 -93 10
Brisbane 17 282 542 -260 8
Canterbury 17 212 522 -310 4
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 16
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 14 419 226 193 26 185.40 92.86
St.Helens 12 286 96 190 20 297.92 83.33
Warrington 14 429 221 208 21 194.12 75
Hull FC 12 286 215 71 15 133.02 62.50
Wigan 16 255 289 -34 20 88.24 62.50
Hull KR 11 271 244 27 12 111.07 54.55
 
Leeds 14 332 251 81 14 132.27 50
Castleford 14 251 354 -103 12 70.90 42.86
Salford 14 237 405 -168 8 58.52 28.57
Huddersfield 15 244 318 -74 8 76.73 26.67
Wakefield 15 259 354 -95 8 73.16 26.67
Leigh 13 212 508 -296 0 41.73 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 14
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 9 433 88 345 18 492.05 100
Featherstone 13 573 166 407 26 345.18 100
Halifax 14 398 199 199 20 200 71.43
Bradford 13 354 315 39 18 112.38 69.23
LondonB 13 374 337 37 17 110.98 65.38
Batley 14 370 286 84 18 129.37 64.29
 
Widnes 13 307 344 -37 11 89.24 42.31
Newcastle 13 284 400 -116 11 71 42.31
Sheffield 14 313 413 -100 11 75.79 39.29
Whitehaven 14 277 396 -119 11 69.95 39.29
York 14 345 327 18 10 105.50 35.71
Dewsbury 13 197 379 -182 9 51.98 34.62
Oldham 13 190 470 -280 4 40.43 15.38
Swinton 14 234 529 -295 0 44.23 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 10
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Barrow 10 342 150 192 17 228 85
Workington 9 334 158 176 15 211.39 83.33
Doncaster 9 308 189 119 14 162.96 77.78
Keighley 10 348 239 109 10 145.61 50
Rochdale 10 279 280 -1 10 99.64 50
Crusaders 10 278 318 -40 10 87.42 50
 
Coventry 8 204 240 -36 8 85 50
Hunslet 10 268 257 11 8 104.28 40
LondonS 8 154 292 -138 2 52.74 12.50
West Wales 10 122 514 -392 0 23.74 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
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LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
 
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
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