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Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:52 pm  

User avatarGreasley wrote:
Greasley User avatar
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 11:06 pm
Posts: 476
Location: Out for WALKIES with Bella!!
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says the wife. "Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ee Ii Ee Ii Ee Ii Oo

On the beer, we will go

When we get all tipsy

This is what we sing

We are Keighley, We are Keighley

Barry is our King!!
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:03 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
guess who wrote:
Well are you?


No.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:05 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
What did hitler say to his tank commanders before heading off into battle?

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:14 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
I am laughing so much I'll have to tell myself the punchline.....


Get in the tanks.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:23 pm  
andrew aspinall User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:18 pm
Posts: 1594
Location: Behind my meat clever
I've got one,































Steve Mcnamara. :lol: :lol:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Oranges are u taking the pith 8)
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:25 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
A lemon says to an orange we need to talk come here and citrus elf down :cry:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:06 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Not strictly a joke but an observation that I found "funny".

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £21.40. :DRUNK:

I bet your financial advisor kept that to him/herself.
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:08 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Image
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
West indian in court for thumping his neighbor over the wall.

Judge says did you strike this man in defence.

West indian bloke says no I hit him in de face he fell over de fence :shock:
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RLFANS Match Centre
Sun 26th Sep
L1 RND: 23 Workington18-16Keighley
L1 RND: 23 Crusaders34-48Doncaster
WSL RND: 17 St.HelensW58-0CastlefordW
WSL RND: 17 LeedsW22-18YorkW
WSL RND: 17 FeatherstoneW30-12BradfordW
WSL RND: 17 Hudds W30-26Wire W
Sat 25th Sep
NRL RND: 28 Melbourne6-10Penrith
CH RND: 23 Batley22-10Bradford
CH RND: 23 Halifax24-20Whitehaven
Fri 24th Sep
SL RND: 26 Warrington0-19Hull KR
NRL RND: 28 Souths36-16Manly
Thu 23rd Sep
SL RND: 26 Wigan0-8Leeds
Sun 19th Sep
SL RND: 25 Huddersfield42-24Leigh
CH RND: 22 Bradford22-36Whitehaven
CH RND: 22 Dewsbury21-14Oldham
CH RND: 22 Featherstone78-10Sheffield
CH RND: 22 Halifax10-12Batley
CH RND: 22 Swinton16-26Widnes
CH RND: 22 York30-22LondonB
L1 RND: 22 Doncaster31-10Hunslet
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 24 815 316 499 42
Penrith 24 640 280 360 42
Souths 24 775 453 322 40
Manly 24 744 492 252 32
Sydney 24 636 475 161 32
Parramatta 24 566 457 109 30
Newcastle 24 428 571 -143 24
Gold Coast 24 568 553 15 20
 
Cronulla 24 512 556 -44 20
Canberra 24 481 578 -97 20
St.George 24 474 616 -142 16
NZ Warriors 24 453 624 -171 16
Wests 24 500 714 -214 16
Brisbane 24 446 695 -249 14
NQL Cowboys 24 460 748 -288 14
Canterbury 24 340 710 -370 6
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 23 688 398 290 38 172.86 82.61
St.Helens 21 548 229 319 32 239.30 76.19
Warrington 21 588 354 234 31 166.10 73.81
Wigan 25 387 385 2 30 100.52 60
Leeds 24 556 440 116 26 126.36 54.17
Hull KR 20 497 458 39 20 108.52 50
 
Castleford 23 439 552 -113 22 79.53 47.83
Hull FC 21 409 476 -67 17 85.92 40.48
Huddersfield 24 460 516 -56 18 89.15 37.50
Wakefield 24 482 548 -66 18 87.96 37.50
Salford 22 402 586 -184 14 68.60 31.82
Leigh 22 356 870 -514 4 40.92 9.09
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 20
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 13 616 112 504 26 550 100
Featherstone 19 817 254 563 34 321.65 94.74
Halifax 19 512 323 189 26 158.51 68.42
Bradford 18 483 455 28 24 106.15 66.67
LondonB 18 504 499 5 21 101 63.89
Batley 19 525 370 155 24 141.89 63.16
 
Whitehaven 20 447 496 -49 21 90.12 52.50
York 19 470 455 15 16 103.30 42.11
Widnes 19 458 509 -51 15 89.98 39.47
Newcastle 18 381 521 -140 13 73.13 36.11
Sheffield 18 382 553 -171 13 69.08 36.11
Dewsbury 19 308 570 -262 13 54.04 34.21
Oldham 19 270 691 -421 5 39.07 13.16
Swinton 20 354 719 -365 3 49.24 7.50
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 22
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Barrow 17 596 275 321 27 216.73 79.41
Workington 15 471 310 161 21 151.94 70
Doncaster 18 503 400 103 24 125.75 66.67
Keighley 19 640 399 241 25 160.40 65.79
Crusaders 18 553 438 115 22 126.26 61.11
Hunslet 19 572 466 106 20 122.75 52.63
 
Rochdale 17 505 488 17 17 103.48 50
Coventry 17 407 460 -53 12 88.48 35.29
LondonS 18 292 577 -285 7 50.61 19.44
West Wales 18 208 896 -688 1 23.21 2.78
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
 
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
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