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Tue Sep 23, 2008 7:52 pm  

User avatarGreasley wrote:
Greasley User avatar
Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2003 11:06 pm
Posts: 476
Location: Out for WALKIES with Bella!!
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says the wife. "Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ee Ii Ee Ii Ee Ii Oo

On the beer, we will go

When we get all tipsy

This is what we sing

We are Keighley, We are Keighley

Barry is our King!!
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:03 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
guess who wrote:
Well are you?


No.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:05 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
What did hitler say to his tank commanders before heading off into battle?

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:14 pm  

User avatarreborncougar wrote:
reborncougar User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:02 pm
Posts: 1172
Location: Planet Earth
I am laughing so much I'll have to tell myself the punchline.....


Get in the tanks.

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:23 pm  
andrew aspinall User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2007 7:18 pm
Posts: 1594
Location: Behind my meat clever
I've got one,































Steve Mcnamara. :lol: :lol:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
Oranges are u taking the pith 8)
Tue Sep 23, 2008 8:25 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
A lemon says to an orange we need to talk come here and citrus elf down :cry:
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:06 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Not strictly a joke but an observation that I found "funny".

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95, with HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50, £1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5, but if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminium re-cycling plant, you would get £21.40. :DRUNK:

I bet your financial advisor kept that to him/herself.
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Tue Sep 23, 2008 11:08 pm  
View from the full back User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2004 11:33 am
Posts: 1380
Location: down the back of the sofa
Image
Beauty is only skin deep
But UGLY goes right down to the bone
Wed Sep 24, 2008 12:24 pm  

Joined: Sun Aug 03, 2008 12:22 am
Posts: 553
West indian in court for thumping his neighbor over the wall.

Judge says did you strike this man in defence.

West indian bloke says no I hit him in de face he fell over de fence :shock:
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NRL RND: 19 Sydney28-8Newcastle
NRL RND: 19 NQL Cowboys16-20Melbourne
SL RND: 15 Leeds38-16Salford
SLRND: 15 Wigan25-12Wakefield
Thu 22nd Jul
NRL RND: 19 Parramatta10-12Canberra
SL RND: 15 Huddersfield40-26Hull FC
Mon 19th Jul
WSL RND: 11 WiganW4-12YorkW
Sun 18th Jul
NRL RND: 18 NZ Warriors16-30Penrith
NRL RND: 18 Brisbane24-42Wests
NRL RND: 18 Souths32-24Canterbury
WSL RND: 9 BradfordW42-12FeatherstoneW
WSL RND: 9 LeedsW24-0Hudds W
WSL RND: 9 St.HelensW24-0WakefieldW
WSL RND: 9 Wire W12-48CastlefordW
Sat 17th Jul
NRL RND: 18 Canberra34-18Cronulla
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CC RND: 6 St.Helens26-12Castleford
1895 RND: 2 Featherstone41-34York
Fri 16th Jul
L1 RND: 7 Coventry24-18Keighley
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 18
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 17 632 198 434 30
Penrith 17 493 179 314 30
Souths 17 503 346 157 28
Parramatta 17 474 255 219 26
Sydney 17 453 335 118 22
Manly 17 485 354 131 20
St.George 17 358 382 -24 16
Cronulla 17 326 394 -68 14
 
Canberra 17 347 421 -74 14
Newcastle 17 283 420 -137 14
Gold Coast 17 394 468 -74 12
Wests 17 372 502 -130 12
NQL Cowboys 17 324 527 -203 12
NZ Warriors 17 333 426 -93 10
Brisbane 17 282 542 -260 8
Canterbury 17 212 522 -310 4
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 15
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 13 387 196 191 24 197.45 92.31
St.Helens 12 286 96 190 20 297.92 83.33
Warrington 13 408 213 195 19 191.55 73.08
Wigan 15 247 268 -21 20 92.16 66.67
Hull FC 12 286 215 71 15 133.02 62.50
Hull KR 10 241 212 29 12 113.68 60
 
Leeds 14 332 251 81 14 132.27 50
Castleford 14 251 354 -103 12 70.90 42.86
Salford 14 237 405 -168 8 58.52 28.57
Huddersfield 15 244 318 -74 8 76.73 26.67
Wakefield 15 259 354 -95 8 73.16 26.67
Leigh 13 212 508 -296 0 41.73 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 13
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 9 433 88 345 18 492.05 100
Featherstone 12 537 136 401 24 394.85 100
Bradford 12 324 279 45 18 116.13 75
Halifax 13 358 171 187 18 209.36 69.23
LondonB 13 374 337 37 17 110.98 65.38
Batley 13 328 274 54 16 119.71 61.54
 
Newcastle 12 272 358 -86 11 75.98 45.83
Widnes 13 307 344 -37 11 89.24 42.31
Sheffield 13 285 373 -88 11 76.41 42.31
Whitehaven 13 249 372 -123 9 66.94 34.62
Dewsbury 13 197 379 -182 9 51.98 34.62
York 13 299 317 -18 8 94.32 30.77
Oldham 12 166 442 -276 4 37.56 16.67
Swinton 13 224 483 -259 0 46.38 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 10
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Barrow 10 342 150 192 17 228 85
Workington 9 334 158 176 15 211.39 83.33
Doncaster 9 308 189 119 14 162.96 77.78
Keighley 10 348 239 109 10 145.61 50
Rochdale 10 279 280 -1 10 99.64 50
Crusaders 10 278 318 -40 10 87.42 50
 
Coventry 8 204 240 -36 8 85 50
Hunslet 10 268 257 11 8 104.28 40
LondonS 8 154 292 -138 2 52.74 12.50
West Wales 10 122 514 -392 0 23.74 0
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
 
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
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