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Re: OT - have a laugh Mon Oct 14, 2019 6:43 pm  

Lilfatman wrote:
Lilfatman Eddie Hemmings's Wig
Eddie Hemmings's Wig

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:52 pm
Posts: 167
Drunk on his way home from the pub late at night. feeling randy, the only thing he could see with a hole was a lorry parked up for the night.Desperate he gave it a good one and carried on home satisfied.Next day he went to his doctor with a black penis. Doc says I have checked you out and I am sorry to say you are HGV positive.. say you are HGV positive.
Re: OT - have a laugh Mon Oct 14, 2019 6:49 pm  

User avatarWillzay wrote:
Willzay User avatar
Gold RLFANS Member
Gold RLFANS Member

Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:58 pm
Posts: 10926
Two blondes walk into a building.

You'd think one of them would've seen it.
Profit over Lives - The Tory way
Re: OT - have a laugh Mon Oct 14, 2019 7:16 pm  

User avatarWillzay wrote:
Willzay User avatar
Gold RLFANS Member
Gold RLFANS Member

Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2010 2:58 pm
Posts: 10926
How do you circumcise a Cas fan?

Kick his sister in the jaw!
Profit over Lives - The Tory way
Re: OT - have a laugh Tue Oct 15, 2019 6:44 pm  

User avatarThe Writer wrote:
The Writer User avatar
Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2015 1:28 pm
Posts: 15
Yorkshire version of creation:
On t'first day, t'world were covered i' darkness and God said "let there be leet" and there was leet an' ya could see fer miles.
On t'second he created Yorkshire an' called it his own country.
On t'third day he created Yorkshireman to look after t'land and t'crops.
On t'fourth day he created Yorkshire lass to be a companion an' mek Yorkshire puddings.
On t'fifth day he created t'North Sea so they could have fish 'n chips.
On t'sixth day he wor running out of ideas so he created Lancahire.
On t'seventh day he said "by heck after all this work I need a rest."
Re: OT - have a laugh Wed Oct 16, 2019 5:38 pm  
Thackley Bulls Strong-running second rower
Strong-running second rower

Joined: Mon Feb 27, 2006 12:35 am
Posts: 325
God went missing for six days.

The Archangel Gabriel found him resting on the seventh day.

“What have You been up to?’’ he said.

“I’ve created the planet Earth and it will be a place of great balance,’’ said God.

“How do you mean?’’ said Gabriel and God explained.

“North America would be wealthy and South America would be poor.

"Over there I’ve placed a continent of white people and over there a continent of black people. There will be places that are hot and places that will be cold.’’


Gabriel was impressed and pointed to an area in England and said: “What’s that?’’

“That,” said God: “is Yorkshire, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful lakes, streams, rivers and hills, great music, architecture and sporting giants. The people from Yorkshire will be modest, intelligent and witty. They will be sociable, hard working and high achievers. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats and peace-makers.’’


Gabriel gasped in admiration, thought for a moment, and said: “But what about balance? You said there will be balance.’’

“Ah,’’ said God, nodding sagely. “Let me tell you about Lancashire
Re: OT - have a laugh Sat Oct 19, 2019 2:54 pm  

User avatarHXSparky wrote:
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Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 1979
"I saw a dyslexic Yorkshireman the other day. He was wearing a cat flap."
Re: OT - have a laugh Sat Oct 19, 2019 2:55 pm  

User avatarHXSparky wrote:
HXSparky User avatar
Free-scoring winger
Free-scoring winger

Joined: Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:23 pm
Posts: 1979
Stanley decided to lookup his friend Alf, who was a tight-fisted Yorkshireman. He found Alf at his bungalow in Huddersfield stripping the wallpaper from the dining room. Rather obviously, he remarked, "You're decorating, I see." To which Alf replied, "Nay Stanley lad, I'm moving 'ouse to Bradford."
Re: OT - have a laugh Sat Oct 19, 2019 7:29 pm  

User avatarChinaBull wrote:
ChinaBull User avatar
Free-scoring winger
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Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:29 pm
Posts: 1726
Location: 广东佛山市顺德区中国 Guangdong Fo Shan City Shun De China
childhood paddy joke (nowt against Irish as ive Irish heritage)

Paddy worked in a sawmill ont circular saw, mindlessly going through his daily quota he chops his arm off .. mates rush to his aid, grabs his arm and puts it in a plastic bag while the ambulance arrives. Surgeons work tirelessly to stitch his arm back on and within 6 weeks hes back ont job. Within a few days back he carelessly chops his leg off ... his distraught work mates grab his leg, stuff it in a plaggy bag and send a shocked Paddy off to the hospital. 8 hours of delicate microsurgery later and 8 weeks of recuperative rest, Paddy is as good as new. After his long rest Paddy is back ont job to the delight of his workmates. Just another day in Paddy's work schedule when disaster strikes for the third time ... this time he recklessly chops his head off. Workmates scramble to his aid whilst the ambulance is enroute and delicately place his severed head in a plastic bag while nursing his convulsing body ........ His colleagues wait patiently for 12 hours oustside the operating theatre when the surgeon emerges. “I'm sorry” the surgeon exclaimed "but Paddy has died" ... "how did this happen?" asked one of his compadres ... the surgeon removing his mask replied "well ... when you put his head in the plastic bag, he suffocated"
Re: OT - have a laugh Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:27 pm  

User avatarPumpetypump wrote:
Pumpetypump User avatar
100% League Network
100% League Network

Joined: Wed Jan 02, 2002 12:55 pm
Posts: 7643
Location: LS9

Some bloke just said he was going to attack me with the neck of a guitar.
I said, "Is that a fret?"
Re: OT - have a laugh Tue Oct 22, 2019 7:07 pm  

Downbutnotout Stevo's Armpit

Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2016 7:17 pm
Posts: 73
This probably shows how old I am.

EATING IN THE UK IN THE FIFTIES

Consider that:

Pasta had not been invented.

Curry was a surname.

A takeaway was a mathematical problem.

A pizza was something to do with a leaning tower.

Bananas and oranges only appeared at Christmas time.

All crisps were plain; the only choice we had was whether to put the salt on or not.

A Chinese chippy was a foreign carpenter.

Rice was a milk pudding, and never, ever part of our dinner.

A Big Mac was what we wore when it was raining.

Brown bread was something only poor people ate.

Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Coffee was Camp, and came in a bottle.

Cubed sugar was regarded as posh.

Only Heinz made beans.

Fish didn't have fingers in those days.

Eating raw fish was called poverty, not sushi.

None of us had ever heard of yoghurt.

Healthy food consisted of anything edible.

People who didn't peel potatoes were regarded as lazy.

Indian restaurants were only found in India.

Cooking outside was called camping.

Seaweed was not a recognised food.

"Kebab" was not even a word never mind a food.

Sugar enjoyed a good press in those days, and was regarded as being white gold.

Prunes were medicinal.

Surprisingly muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.

Pineapples came in chunks in a tin; we had only ever seen a picture of a real one.

Water came out of the tap, if someone had suggested bottling it and
charging more than petrol for it they would have become a laughing
stock.

The one thing that we never ever had on our table in the
fifties .. was elbows!
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National Rugby League 2021 ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTS
Melbourne 24 815 316 499 42
Penrith 24 640 280 360 42
Souths 24 775 453 322 40
Manly 24 744 492 252 32
Sydney 24 636 475 161 32
Parramatta 24 566 457 109 30
Newcastle 24 428 571 -143 24
Gold Coast 24 568 553 15 20
 
Cronulla 24 512 556 -44 20
Canberra 24 481 578 -97 20
St.George 24 474 616 -142 16
NZ Warriors 24 453 624 -171 16
Wests 24 500 714 -214 16
Brisbane 24 446 695 -249 14
NQL Cowboys 24 460 748 -288 14
Canterbury 24 340 710 -370 6
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Super League XXVI ROUND : 25
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Catalans 23 688 398 290 38 172.86 82.61
St.Helens 21 548 229 319 32 239.30 76.19
Warrington 21 588 354 234 31 166.10 73.81
Wigan 25 387 385 2 30 100.52 60
Leeds 24 556 440 116 26 126.36 54.17
Hull KR 20 497 458 39 20 108.52 50
 
Castleford 23 439 552 -113 22 79.53 47.83
Hull FC 21 409 476 -67 17 85.92 40.48
Huddersfield 24 460 516 -56 18 89.15 37.50
Wakefield 24 482 548 -66 18 87.96 37.50
Salford 22 402 586 -184 14 68.60 31.82
Leigh 22 356 870 -514 4 40.92 9.09
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Championship 2021 ROUND : 20
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Toulouse 13 616 112 504 26 550 100
Featherstone 19 817 254 563 34 321.65 94.74
Halifax 19 512 323 189 26 158.51 68.42
Bradford 18 483 455 28 24 106.15 66.67
LondonB 18 504 499 5 21 101 63.89
Batley 19 525 370 155 24 141.89 63.16
 
Whitehaven 20 447 496 -49 21 90.12 52.50
York 19 470 455 15 16 103.30 42.11
Widnes 19 458 509 -51 15 89.98 39.47
Newcastle 18 381 521 -140 13 73.13 36.11
Sheffield 18 382 553 -171 13 69.08 36.11
Dewsbury 19 308 570 -262 13 54.04 34.21
Oldham 19 270 691 -421 5 39.07 13.16
Swinton 20 354 719 -365 3 49.24 7.50
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred League One 2021 ROUND : 22
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
Barrow 17 596 275 321 27 216.73 79.41
Workington 15 471 310 161 21 151.94 70
Doncaster 18 503 400 103 24 125.75 66.67
Keighley 19 640 399 241 25 160.40 65.79
Crusaders 18 553 438 115 22 126.26 61.11
Hunslet 19 572 466 106 20 122.75 52.63
 
Rochdale 17 505 488 17 17 103.48 50
Coventry 17 407 460 -53 12 88.48 35.29
LondonS 18 292 577 -285 7 50.61 19.44
West Wales 18 208 896 -688 1 23.21 2.78
This is an inplay table and positions can change as matches are in play.
Betfred Womens Super League 2021 ROUND : 9
 PLDFADIFFPTSDIFFWP%
St.HelensW 7 370 36 334 12 1,027.78 85.71
WiganW 6 222 64 158 10 346.88 83.33
YorkW 6 186 102 84 8 182.35 66.67
CastlefordW 6 166 96 70 8 172.92 66.67
BradfordW 8 158 264 -106 6 59.85 37.50
Hudds W 7 104 288 -184 4 36.11 28.57
 
Wire W 8 150 334 -184 4 44.91 25
FeatherstoneW 8 122 338 -216 4 36.09 25
LeedsW 7 364 38 326 14 957.89 100
WakefieldW 7 50 332 -282 0 15.06 0
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