It's very important the tea lady seeks advice if her position is being made untenable by board interference she shouldn't just leaf but barista's don't come cheap, do they do no win no fee?

No but the players get No Win No Tea.

They're pretty dehydrated

Tealady has been informed not to serve Custard creams with the pre match cuppa as it seems to be slowing them down, an alternative of a lighter Rich tea has been suggested.

I do hope the rich tea biscuits have been checked by the relevant authorities; I don't want aspersions being cast if this leads to a sudden improvement in form..

As long as they do not have Russian writing on the side then I think we will be ok.

Russian biscuits have been banned since the Putin on a Ritz scandal.

If that's true then explain why when I sneaked in the kitchen, I found these on the unit by the kettle?

I've read with great interest the theories regarding the lack of a convincing performance from the Tealady.

For me it's a simple as returning to basics, to simple patterns and processes to rebuild confidence.

Trying to run before you can walk with pyramid, circular or even square bags is not going to embed discipline, throw teapots, boilers, boiling water taps etc and we're gong to get the same week in week out, twenty minutes where all seems fine but the first spillage causes utter panic.

Its time the management realised that pot, leaves and kettle are all that's needed. Once the basic patterns are established you can push on, even add lemon or look at Earl Grey, but to trying restore confidence via those routes is pure folly.

In an astonishing reversion to standard PR "accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative" tactics, SF today said that our tealady would be the underdog to the Dewsbury Tealady, however if lots of the best fans in the world turned up and supported her, that would inspire her on to the best teas of the day, and indeed for the rest of the season, resulting in her promotion to chief tealady at Harewood House.

... where the squad will be taken for afternoon High Tea as a reward. They are going to call it Ferres Bulls Day Off.

People have been banned for less than that.